A brutally honest personal essay about the mistakes I make every year – habits, people, and patterns I’m finally done repeating for good.
Look, the thing is, I know I have issues. I know. I am aware.
When 2024 began, I was already going through a rough patch in life. I had seen a picture of him with another girl’s hand in the frame and it looked like they were on a date. I saw this picture on the day of my favourite festival – Christmas – which was two days before my LASIK operation. Post that, my best friend and I had a breakup because he liked me, and I was having an emotional breakdown over the guy and the picture, and he didn’t appreciate that.
All of this happened between December 25, 2023 and January 1, 2024. So naturally, besides putting on my tin-foil hat and hunting down the girl’s profile just based on the picture of her thumbnail, I was pretty hyped to get my shit together.
Lesson 1: Consistency Matters More Than Motivation
I started working out again. And I don’t know how, but it kinda went on for more than two days.
It went on for twenty-two days, precisely. I started seeing a difference too, which is honestly rare because home workouts aren’t that fast, but that’s not the point.
On day twenty-three, I got my period. So naturally, I couldn’t move much. And that’s also the point where we (me) gave up.
2024 also started with me going for a morning walk. Every day. In the first month, I went on walks a total of 27 days, the gaps being my special blood sacrifice ritual days.
I stayed consistent with my Steve Harvey shit too. I’d read my list first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
One month in, I gave up on nightly reading ritual. Three months in, I gave up on morning reading as well.
Why am I telling you all this? Because even though I stopped reading in March, the list still came true. A lot of it. Throughout the year.
And as a matter of fact, I knew that every day I worked, I felt my body feel better. The day I stopped is the day the whole operation went down the toilet.
So that’s Lesson One, and that’s the first mistake I make every year that I’m not repeating this time.
Consistency works. Even when motivation doesn’t.
Lesson learnt: everything you build needs to be built brick by brick. Once you stop planting the bricks, you stop constructing entirely. Whatever you do, don’t stop the bricks.
Lesson 2: Stop Letting Old Patterns Re-enter Your Life
On January 29, 2024, my “best friend’s” best friend messaged me. He asked me to give him five minutes of my day because he wanted to speak to me about something really important. I had to leave my house and go to the building’s refuge area to speak to him. He told me my best friend was in a bad place right now and that I should intervene. The conversation didn’t go as he planned and that was the end of it for the both of us.
The same day, my ex best friend texted me about something stupid. He needed help with his work. I helped him.
We started speaking occasionally.
Fought again.
Stopped talking for months.
He didn’t wish me on my birthday.
Texted me a few days later.
We started talking again.
This went on for… quite some time.
Now, I understand you’re interested in the lore that I’ve not dropped yet, but I’m sure you’ve understood where I’m going with this.
With every back-in-touch and every fallout, it hurt. Not as much as the first time, of course, but it did hurt.
And that’s Lesson Two.
Treat people like you treat your old school books. You don’t read your third-grade math book once you move up to fourth grade.
It’s not worth it. You’ve grown.
If you ever find yourself rekindling with anyone, find the nearest available brick and slap it across your face.
Lesson 3: Lack of Audacity Is a Silent Self-Sabotage
I’ve realised that a lot of my failures didn’t come from lack of talent, they came from lack of audacity.
I once worked at an organisation where salaries weren’t paid on time. I never asked for mine because I didn’t want to seem “difficult.”
Everyone else who asked got paid. I didn’t. Not because I wasn’t valued — but because I didn’t think I deserved it.
I thought I was disposable. I thought I needed to be liked. I thought silence was safer. It wasn’t.
Lesson learned:
Audacity isn’t arrogance.
It’s self-respect without asking for permission.
Lesson 4: Write Everything Down Before It Disappears
Let me tell you something.
When you have a brain like mine, every day brings a new set of thoughts. They say humans have about seventy thousand thoughts in a day and that ninety-nine percent of them are thoughts you’ve already thought before.
But me though?
If a normal person has seventy thousand thoughts, I have eighty thousand thoughts, and the fresh ten thousand are new thoughts that have never been thought by either me or any living soul in the universe.
I’m weird like that.
And the thing is… I’m starting to forget them.
You know when you write a story and you know where it starts and where it ends, but you don’t know how to go from point A to B? Well, I have a lot of such stories.
And sometimes, at the most random moments, the how pops into my head. And I think, Oh, I’ll write it once I’m done with what I’m doing. Or I get lazy and think, I’ll remember this.
You won’t, Shreya. You won’t.
Write that shit down.
Lesson Five: Clean Your Space or Your Brain Will Rot
This one is humbling. I’ve noticed that I’m severely under-motivated when my room isn’t spic and span. And for the longest time, I thought my lack of motivation came from burnout, emotional damage, or some deep psychological issue that required intense introspection. And i don’t even do all that much to have a burnout anyway.
No. My room was just messy. When my space isn’t clean and aesthetically pleasing, I procrastinate more. I feel overwhelmed for no reason. I don’t want to start anything. Even things I like feel exhausting.
And the moment my room is clean? I suddenly want to work. My brain works better. Life feels slightly less hostile. It’s almost offensive how big the difference is.
A cluttered room clutters my thoughts. A messy desk makes every task feel ten times harder. And no amount of motivation or discipline can override that.
So here’s the lesson.
Cleaning isn’t just a chore. It’s mental hygiene.
If I want clarity, consistency, and momentum, my physical space needs to reflect that first.
These are the mistakes I make every year: giving up on consistency, reopening closed chapters, doubting my worth, trusting my memory too much, and living in chaos.
And these are the mistakes I’m not repeating this time.
Growth isn’t about becoming perfect. It’s about noticing patterns, and choosing to stop fucking yourself over.
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