shreyalogy.com

I’m an Indian. And legally, the essence of being Indian lies in hating Pakistan. It’s a legal requirement. It’s in the constitution — go read it.

Which is why — cricket, although not our national sport, is our actual national sport. Because that’s the one battlefield where India vs Pakistan can be a thing.

I mean that… and then there’s war, but like — I’m a peace-loving individual (I’m not) so let’s stay in the sports lane.

When I was a kid, India vs Pakistan was big enough to start wars.

The losing country had fans breaking televisions. People threw stones at players. Cricketers needed divine intervention and police protection. Their children got death threats.

(And no — I’m not saying any of that was good. I’m just saying that’s how intense it was. It was a real war, minus the bad parts)

Now?

India vs Pakistan is just free points for India.

It’s like a 37-year-old defeating a first grader at math.

It’s like Aishwarya Rai defeating me in beauty.

Like Indian Prime Minister Shri Narendra Modi defeating my brother — who isn’t even on Instagram — in Instagram followers.

Where. Is. The. Rivalry?

This is so disappointing.

India just won an India vs Pakistan match… and I, a self respecting proud Indian, feel nothing.

The feeling of meh after an India vs Pakistan World Cup match?

My ancestors did not fight for this emotional under-stimulation.

Pakistan needs to do better.

I can’t be hating on a noob. That’s like hating on a baby — and we all know I would never do that.

At this point I’m starting to think I have the potential to be a better Pakistani cricket player than their current lineup combined.

And I cannot even hold a bat properly.

That’s where we are.

I remember there was a time we had hawans happening all around the country — in all our seventeen thousand different traditions — begging God for victory.

If I do that today, God himself will sue me for ragebaiting him. Picture this, OMG3 script is god suing me for talking about this with him and wasting his time.

Bring back traditional rivalry. At this rate, the next generation of Indians won’t hate Pakistan. Matter of fact, I’m not sure they’d know of Pakistan’s existence at all.

I want to see Pakistan’s downfall — but these guys are already sitting on the floor. There’s no down left to fall.

That’s torture.

That’s inhuman.

I need therapy to process the feeling of emotional emptiness after winning.

At this point I might have to file a complaint in the ICJ.

Because what the fuck. They’re doing this to me. They MUST face consequences.