Back in 2021, I was open about my struggles with mental health. At that time, it felt like everyone around me was turning on me, reminding me that the cause of my grief was childish – that there were people out there who had it way worse. And I agree, there will always be someone going through something worse than you.
But here’s the thing: grief is incomparable.
No matter what you feel, and what makes you feel that way, your thoughts and emotions are valid.
Let me give you an example.
There are two men. Both in their late fifties.
One man just lost his father – the man who made him everything he is today.
The other lost his son – the one he gave everything for.
Now, whose grief is bigger?
Depending on your own values, upbringing, and perspectives, you might choose either one. And you would be right.
For someone who has recently lost a parent, the first man’s grief may feel heavier. Parents are everything – they water you before you even learn to stand on your own.
But for someone else, the second man’s grief might feel far worse. Because while we all carry an unspoken awareness that our parents will leave us someday, nobody is ever prepared to lose a child.
Both perspectives are valid. Both forms of grief are unbearable in their own ways.
The same applies everywhere.
A man who hasn’t been able to feed his family in days grieves just as deeply as a man who has recently lost a job. Their circumstances are different, but to each of them – in that very moment – their grief is the biggest.
And that’s the truth people need to understand: mental health doesn’t understand comparison.
Whether someone dies by suicide or gets crushed by a car – death is equal. And so is grief. The way you don’t disregard someone’s death based on its cause, you can’t disregard someone’s grief either.
Sometimes, all a person really needs is a little bit of understanding and support. My cause of grief doesn’t have to make sense to you for it to be valid. Emotions, mental health, human psychology – they are deeply subjective, and can never be judged through some objective set of rules.
If people around me had understood this back in 2021, maybe they wouldn’t have tried to weigh or compare my pain. Maybe they would have realized that grief doesn’t need to make sense to anyone else to be valid. And maybe, just maybe, that’s what someone out there needs to hear today too.
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